“Children’s emotions are big, loud, and messy—not because they’re trying to make your life hard, but because they don’t have the words to explain what they feel.” Imagine this: your child is throwing blocks across the room because their tower keeps falling down. Is it anger? Frustration? Maybe disappointment? The truth is, they don’t know either. That’s where the powerful strategy of “Name It to Tame It” comes in.
This approach, beautifully explained in The Whole-Brain Child by Dr .Daniel J. Siegel and Dr . Tina Payne Bryson, helps kids move from overwhelming emotions to calm clarity. And it’s simpler than you think! Here’s how to use this brain science-backed hack with your little one today.
Why “Name It” Works Like Magic
When a child is upset, their emotional brain (the right hemisphere) takes the driver’s seat, leaving their logical brain (the left side) in the backseat—or sometimes, out of the car entirely. Naming their emotion activates the logical brain, helping them process feelings instead of being swept away by them. In other words, labelling the emotion reduces its intensity. It’s not magic, it’s neuroscience!
Step 1: Spot the Emotion
Pay attention to the clues your child’s behaviour gives. Are they stomping, crying, screaming? Or maybe they’re silent, but with fists clenched tight. Ask yourself: What might they be feeling right now?
For example:
- Are they frustrated because they can’t solve the puzzle?
- Are they overwhelmed because too many toys are out?
- Are they sad because they feel left out during playtime?
Remember, it’s not always obvious. When in doubt, guessing with empathy is okay—kids need to feel you’re trying to understand them.
Step 2: Say It Out Loud
Once you’ve identified the emotion, put it into words for your child. Use simple, relatable language they can understand. For example:
- “You’re really frustrated because the puzzle piece isn’t fitting, huh?”
- “You feel mad because your block tower keeps falling down.”
- “Are you feeling left out because your sister isn’t sharing with you?”
By naming the emotion, you’re not only helping them label it but also showing them it’s okay to feel this way. It’s like telling them: “I see you, and I’m here to help.”
Step 3: Offer Comfort
Once your child hears their feelings spoken out loud, you’ll notice a shift. It might be subtle—a nod, a softer tone, or even a full-on hug—but the emotional intensity often lessens immediately. That’s your cue to offer comfort.
Say something like:
- “I get frustrated when things don’t work too. Let’s try again together.”
- “Sometimes when we’re mad, we just need a hug. Want one?”
Offering comfort teaches kids two things: emotions are manageable, and they are not alone in their struggles.
A Real-Life Example
Let’s say your 4-year-old is sobbing because they can’t tie their shoes. Here’s how “Name It to Tame It” could play out:
- Spot the emotion: They’re crying and throwing their shoes. Likely frustration.
- Say it out loud: “You’re feeling really frustrated because tying shoes is tricky, isn’t it?”
- Offer comfort: “It’s okay. Let me help you now, and we’ll keep practicing together.”
In less than a minute, you’ve helped them move from chaos to calm, all while strengthening their ability to handle emotions in the future.
Why Parents Love This Strategy
“Name It to Tame It” works for many reasons. It strengthens parent-child bonds, helps children build emotional intelligence, and prevents situations from spiralling further out of control. Most importantly, it’s a lifelong skill that empowers kids to understand and regulate their emotions as they grow.
Start Today!
The next time your little one is overwhelmed, try this simple 3-step process. Spot the emotion. Name it out loud. Offer comfort. It might feel awkward at first, but with practice, you’ll see how this small shift can bring big results in both your child’s mood and your own parenting confidence.
Remember: big feelings are part of growing up. Helping kids navigate them with love and language? That’s how we truly build resilience.